Tuesday, November 14, 2006

reason # 428,752 why i should be on Fear Factor

yep. it's me again. here to tell you yet another boring story involving one of my darling children.

Cailyn loves to be tickled. so much so, that when i lift her into the air to blow air on her tummy or back, she wiggles her tummy or back towards my face. this is a new development from the last week or so - she looks like a little gymnast. makes a mama proud!

rewind tonight's events. dinner-time. we're all eating a lovingly prepared meal. Cailyn is in her exersaucer, a few feet from me.
and i hear the blowout.
i despise blowouts.
for several reasons.

reason #1: they involve amounts of poop that can't be contained by a plastic covering (otherwise known as diapers - but i beg to differ with all those "leak guard" promises on their labels. leaks? YEA...we got leaks. seriously. we should have like 10 gajillion free diapers by now.)
reason #2: as if reason #1 is not enough, right? well, the smell. for some reason, those little plastic coverings do contain the smell (as well as such odors can be contained). but, if it leaks...you're S.O.L., buddy.
reason #3: babies only have blowouts when they are:
a) wearing a precious outfit that you spent way too much money on, and SWORE that babykins would get good wear out of it. it's gonna leave a stain, face it. just throw the outfit in the trash.
b) in a place that prohibits you from changing the mess right away. let's say, for example, in the middle of wal-mart. FAR away from the restrooms where the only baby-changing station (with extremely rare sanitary paper covers) is located. and by the time you realize that your precious little one is culprit of the stench, it's too late. there's no time to run to the front of the store my friend. no time.
c) sleeping or about to go asleep. everyone knows you don't wake a sleeping baby. period.
d) there is food around & you are starving. it's the best diet plan devised.

so what did Cailyn do, right?
i finished eating, and smelled something rank. i knew it was her from her devilish grin. i pick her up, and like a lot of moms (i think it must be a law in the MOM handbook, actually) i go in for a closer sniff - just to be sure. because no one wants to caught off guard when a blowout (or near blowout) is concerned.
just as i lift her little bum into the air, i quickly realize that the blowout has happened. already done. fin. complete. and she thinks i'm going to tickle her - so she squirms her chubby little tooshie into my face.
i had poo.
on my face.

gross, isn't it? the saddest part of all is that it doesn't really upset me too much anymore. i no longer run around spitting & trying not to yuke. although i probably should do the running around part - it sounds like a good cardio workout.


nikki said...

I'm laughing so hard...my stomach hurts!! TOO funny!!

amber said...

Awww man! Those blowouts are horrible! Thankfully they get better the older the kiddo gets.