Thursday, April 3, 2008

Yes, I realize all my stories are about Wal-Mart.

Dr. Mrs. Wal-Mart Cashier:
I really did appreciate your friendliness today. And I really appreciated you taking me as your first customer of the day - you seem to have come on shift just as I was pushing my very tired toddler in an over-loaded cart of groceries. Thank you, really.

I thought you were very pleasant. I even tapped the "yes" button on the screen when it asked me if I was greeted by my cashier on the credit card touch pad. I usually don't bother to do that, but you - you were very nice.

I did find it comforting that you held a little conversation with my daughter about the grapes she was stealing eating in the cart. I don't like for her to do this, with germs lurking about. But sometimes, I give in. It seems she thinks they taste better when dining from a grocery cart.
Then you said something that was interesting, "You know, I like grapes, too. They keep me regular."
Hm. I wasn't sure how to respond, so I just said that they seem to have effect on my daughter too.

Then you proceeded to point out every item on the conveyor belt that keep you regular.
Grapes - check.
Pineapple orange juice - check.
Bananas - check. Then you added that it binds most people's intestines up, but not yours. It keeps you regular, of course.
Apples - check.
Salad - check.
Cucumbers - check.
Coffee - check. You never go without two cups in the morning.
Raisins - check. After all, they are just grapes, right. And we already know that grapes keep you regular.
Bell peppers - they just give you gas, apparently.
Granola bars - check.
Asparagus - "You know that makes you smell funny, right?" Ahem. Yes. But thanks for bringing it to my attention.
Milk - you thought you were lactose intolerant, but it turns out milk just helps keep you regular. Very regular. Like twice-a-day regular.
Yogurt - You LOVE yogurt. It helps your digestive system...you know, stay regular, you told me.

Now, I'm a Mom. And I talk to my friends & family about poop far more than I ought to. But that's because I'm a Mom. And something in the Mom Code tells me I have to talk about my children's regularity with great enthusiasm and concern. Other than that, I don't ordinarily discuss how regular I am. Or how regular anyone else is, or can be, if they eat certain foods.
Thank you for enlightening me.
Who knew I would get a butt-load (no pun intended) of groceries and a lesson about adhering to a proper diet for fully functioning bowels.

I can't wait to see what lesson I learn next week on our weekly grocery excursion.

XOXO with some granola for regularity,
Skye

7 comments:

nikki said...

too funny!!!

Nana said...

Please go again tomorrow! I can't wait 'til next week for another installment!
BTW: What is it about you that invites this type of very open, extremely familiar, entirely unconventional conversation with total strangers?!?

Anonymous said...

Oh, that is hillarious, Skye! I have the same problem with all kinds of strangers opening up and spilling all kinds of personal information I would really rather not know. Must be our open,honest, approachable demeanor, huh?
Aunt Carmen

Amanda said...

Skye I LOVE your walmart trips. Although I think I would've turned green at this trip.

Brandy said...

I would love to hear more. Next time you should also buy 2 big packs of toilet paper. LOL.

leigh said...

Oh my gosh, that is too funny! People crack me up. Happy birthday to Chad, by the way.

Sip said...

these things only happen to you!

PS - the asparagus smell - lol - i had asparagus for lunch the other day at work and when i peed i was worried that if someone else were in the bathroom that they would smell me :)